Listen to my new episode on Why you should not marry.
This segment highlights the parental, peer, pastoral, and prejudices as the wrong reasons why people enter into a marriage and what to do instead.
PARENTAL, PEER, PASTORAL, AND PREJUDICES
These set of people – parents or (whoever is that position), peers, and pastors put pressure on you directly or indirectly. The stress becomes more intense when they want you to marry a particular individual for their selfish ends or prejudices. They asked questions without ever wanting to give up as to why you are still not married when all mates are married Or when it is going to happen. They use the indirect method of telling you stories of this, and that got married and when is yours. The one I hate is older adults praying for the younger ones at weddings as to, ” You are the next, so when are we gathering for yours.” Let me quickly say that only happens in my culture ( Yoruba tribe from Nigeria) Or does it happen in any other culture as well that you are aware of?
Peer pressure could be direct or indirect. Directly when your friends irritate you with questions without limit on who you are in a relationship with or why you are not in Relationship. The pressure may also get to you because they are all getting married, and you can no longer catch up with their topics of discussion. And that can come up within any age bracket.
The older you are, the more it is not funny. Your girlfriends may laugh with you and play with you, but secretly don’t want you around their spouses. A supposed girlfriend warned the husband not to be interacting with me.
What then pushes people into wrong relationships in response to people’s reactions to their status.
When you don’t feel qualified to be part of conversations- married life, parenting, for the older singles it may be that your friends now discuss – children marriage, weddings, graduations, and here you are, not having started yet.
Another indirect way is talking down at people who are not married or divorced. Church people are, unfortunately, the culprits of that.
There are many people today in marriages that are having such a hard time. Some are in relationships and are struggling but have refused to end it. “Why?” you may ask. Well, because all their mates are either engaged or married, and they don’t want to be the odd one out. Before getting married or entering that relationship, they must have felt the way most singles are feeling now, and they must have echoed these thoughts
A lot of people are entering into relationships: courtship or marriage because everyone around them seems to be settling down. If you ask them to be honest, you will find that they do not want to be in a relationship at the time, but they also don’t want to be the odd one out, so they get entangled as well.
Another thing that puts pressure on people that could lead to wrong or poor selection is prejudice. Prejudice could be a preference for a particular race/tribe, professional qualification, financial standing, denominational affiliation, and social status. All that could blindfold you from getting involved with the right person.
WHAT CAN YOU DO TO EXCUSE YOURSELF FROM THE UNDUE PRESSURE?
1. GET TO KNOW AND INTIMATE YOURSELF WITH GOD’S PLANS AND PURPOSE FOR YOUR LIFE.
Knowing the plans of God for your life will be your lifeguard in everything you do, encompassing your marriage. Abraham was able to instruct the servant as to the choice of a wife for Isaac to match God’s promise to his lineage (Genesis 24)
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord . “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.Jeremiah 29:11 NLT
We have become his poetry, a re-created people that will fulfill the destiny he has given each of us, for we are joined to Jesus, the Anointed One. Even before we were born, God planned in advance our destiny and the good works we would do to fulfill it !Ephesians 2:10 TPT
2. EMPLOY WISDOM TO REJECT UNDUE PRESSURE
You will need the wisdom to resist pressure or to reject unsolicited offers from family and friends
Have the sense to resist the parental pressure
Have a polite conversation with
your parents or whoever is given you that pressure.
A wise person chooses the right road; a fool takes the wrong one.Ecclesiastes 10:2
But wisdom is profitable to direct.Ecclesiastes 10:10
3.BE POLITE IN YOUR APPROACH
Have it in mind the people putting pressure on you don’t hate. They love you and want the best for you, and that is the way they know how to express their genuine concern for you, so, therefore, be tactical in your approach to resist their offers. One practical way is just to say thank you and move on. After all, the Bible says
My dearest brothers and sisters, take this to heart: Be quick to listen, but slow to speak. And be slow to become angry,James 1:19
A soft and gentle and thoughtful answer turns away wrath, But harsh and painful and careless words stir up anger.Proverbs 15:1
4. FIND AND CONNECT TO NEW ASSOCIATION(S)
Network on the professional/ interest level.
Meet-up with new people. Your case is not peculiar; there are similar people in your shoes. Find them and join them (Make sure they are the right associations for you). Some associations may not be correct for you. Remember that the warning that you should not be equally yoked is not just about marital relationships
Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?Amos 3:3 NLT
So stop fooling yourselves! Evil companions will corrupt good morals and character.1 Corinthians 15:33 TPT
5.LEARN TO HEAR AND DISCERN THE VOICE OF GOD
You must train your ears and hearts to hear the voice of God in every matter, don’t wait till you want to marry before you desire to hear God.
Someone once makes a joke that suddenly, people who don’t get to hear God hears him when it comes to marriage matter.”
There are, it may be, so many kinds of voices in the world, and none of them is without signification.
1 Corinthians 14:10 KJV
and because the gatekeeper knows who he is, he opens the gate to let him in. And the sheep recognize the voice of the true Shepherd, for he calls his own by name and leads them out, for they belong to him. And when he has brought out all his sheep, he walks ahead of them and they will follow him, for they are familiar with his voice. But they will run away from strangers and never follow them because they know it’s the voice of a stranger.”John 10:3 -5
LEARN TO TUNE OFF THE VOICE OF MEN AND INCREASE VOLUME LOUDER THE VOICE OF GOD.
6. DO YOUR DUE DILIGENCE
One subtle way that external pressures come is through the intoduction of potential partners to you. While this is good and probably needful because of the kind of lifestyle we live in today’s world, it may also be dangerous. The solution is to ensure you carry out your due diligence by praying through, researching, observing, , and asking reasonable questions.
Abraham’s servant did not say a word, but he watched everything Rebekah did, because he wanted to know for certain if this was the woman the Lord had chosen.
Genesis 24:21 CEV
Call to Me and I will answer you, and tell you [and even show you] great and mighty things, [things which have been confined and hidden], which you do not know and understand and cannot distinguish.’
Jeremiah 33:3 AMP
7. BE ASSERTIVE
know what God wants for you
know what you want for yourself. if you dont stand for something you will fall for anything.
I am not trying to please people. I want to please God. Do you think I am trying to please people? If I were doing that, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Galatians 1:10 CEV
8. CHECK OUT THEIR MOTIVES FOR NOT WANTING A PARTICULAR PERSON OR WHY A PARTICULAR PERSON.
Dear friends, don’t believe everyone who claims to have the Spirit of God. Test them all to find out if they really do come from God. Many false prophets have already gone out into the world,
1 John 4:1 CEV
9. DON’T REVEAL THE SECRET OF WHAT YOU WANT TO PEOPLE
I found out people played to the tune of what you want because somebody has coached them how to play along.
Keep what you know to yourself, and you will be safe; talk too much, and you are done for.
Proverbs 13:3 CEV
On a final note
DONT MARRY TO PLEASE ANYBODY AT THE DETRIMENT OF YOUR PEACE AND PLEASURE.