When Exes Don’t Let Go: The Hidden Dangers of Lingering Attachments and Misguided Spirituality

In relationships, breakups can bring emotional turmoil. But for some, the end is only the beginning of lingering attachments, destructive behaviors, or misguided hopes. I’ve seen it firsthand—stories where past relationships refuse to truly end, revealing hard lessons on letting go, avoiding harmful spiritual guidance, and choosing growth over obsession.

Take the young woman I recently met. She was heartbroken and struggling with her mental health after her boyfriend left her for his ex. He even went as far as buying a house with his former partner—an act of betrayal that shattered her, affecting her job and well-being.

Reflecting on her story, I recalled another case from a popular counselor’s page. A woman in Canada shared how her husband, despite being married, was always in touch with his ex. She was left wondering why he married her if he couldn’t let go of his past. It’s troubling how some people hold onto exes, sometimes out of resentment or a misguided sense of attachment.

Another story is even more concerning. A man reconnected with his ex, despite her marriage, and became disturbingly obsessed. He befriended her husband to get close, ultimately violating her. His fixation was fueled by the belief, instilled by a spiritual leader, that their destinies were “tied together.” Tragically, this obsession led him down a dark path, ending in his own death.

These stories reveal the dangers of lingering attachments, especially when spiritual misconceptions or unhealthy emotional bonds are involved. Misguided beliefs that an ex is “meant to be” can lead to destructive actions, preventing everyone from moving forward.

Practical Wisdom for Letting Go and Moving Forward

1. Understand When It’s Time to Let Go

When a relationship ends, moving on is crucial. Lingering attachments often lead to pain and prevent genuine growth.

2. Seek Healthy Closure

Breakups may feel incomplete, but finding closure—through forgiveness or personal reflection—helps you embrace a future unburdened by the past.

3. Beware of Spiritual Misguidance

Not all spiritual advice aligns with God’s peace and wisdom. Question any belief that ties your destiny to an ex if it doesn’t bring peace or clarity.

4. Respect Boundaries

If you still feel connected to an ex, respect their new life and avoid waiting for misfortune to justify re-entering it. Healthy boundaries honor both your peace and theirs.

5. Focus on Personal Healing and Growth

Rather than looking back, prioritize healing and growth. Let past relationships guide you toward a more fulfilling future.

Moving on isn’t just a wise choice—it’s a compassionate one for everyone involved. Letting go opens the door to a future free from the chains of the past, allowing you to live fully and peacefully in the present.

If you’re interested in recognizing these early warning signs, my book, Red Flags, provides practical insights and guidance for spotting unhealthy relationship patterns before they affect your peace. Grab a copy and empower yourself to choose wisely and confidently.

Committed to your transformation,

Dr. Oyindamola Okenla,

Your Transformational Catalyst