“I Don’t Even Know Who I Am Anymore”: Reclaiming Your Identity After Burnout
- Dr.Oyindamola Okenla
- Jul 8
- 2 min read
“I used to be so driven… so alive.”
“I don’t even recognize the woman in the mirror anymore.”
“I give and give, but I’ve lost myself in the process.”
Have you ever felt that way?
Burnout isn’t always the result of doing too much. Sometimes, it’s the result of doing too little of what truly matters to you.
You lose your voice in meetings. Your passion in the routines. Your sparkle in the endless cycle of serving others and suppressing your needs.
It happens slowly............
First, you compromise. Then, you cope. And then one day, you realize you’ve disappeared into roles that no longer reflect your truth.
But here’s the good news: You can come back to yourself.
🧠 The Truth About Burnout and Identity
Burnout is not just exhaustion—it’s detachment from self.
It shows up in women who’ve spent years trying to be:
The strong one
The good daughter
The perfect leader
The sacrificial mother
The tireless giver
But when those roles become cages, they cost us our essence.
Reclaiming your identity starts with asking hard questions:
✨ Who am I when no one is watching?
✨ What do I need—but never say out loud?
✨ What would I pursue if I weren’t afraid of judgment?
💬 A Real Story
One of my clients, a brilliant woman with degrees, influence, and respect, broke down in tears during a session.
“I’ve achieved so much… but I feel hollow,” she confessed.
We peeled back years of people-pleasing, overachievement, and performing for validation. Beneath it all, she was a passionate creative—starving for expression.
She didn’t need a new title.
She needed permission to be herself again.
Affirmation: I am not lost. I am returning. I honor the parts of me that still long to breathe.
💡 What to Do This Week
Write a letter to your younger self. Ask her what she still wants.
Name 3 activities or spaces where you feel most like “you.”
Reintroduce yourself. Out loud. To the mirror. Even to your circle: “I’m choosing to come home to myself.”
📣 Need Help Finding You Again?
This is exactly what my Path to Purpose coaching program and book Pattern Breaker were created for. Let me walk with you back to yourself.
Dr. Oyindamola Okenla
Board Certified Master Mental Health Coach
Author | Speaker | Transformation Catalyst
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